Take It Down A Notch Read online

  “You really shouldn’t refer to the hippest news source in town as a rag while you’re in the office.” I laughed, my short hair sweeping the tops of my shoulders as I shook my head at her. “What happens if someone hears you?”

  She shrugged, her eyes crinkling on a cocky grin. “Nothing. I’m the best damn journalist they have. I’m untouchable, baby.”

  I lifted a hand to my mouth to stifle my laughter. “Two months ago, you thought they would fire you over that Merlot incident at the Halloween party. Now you’re untouchable?”

  She winked a clear blue eye at me. “Because they didn’t fire me, even after I accidentally dumped red wine all over the boss’s precious poodle. If that didn’t get me the boot, nothing will.”

  “Do you really think it’s wise to put that theory to the test?” I asked, unable to stop giggling over the mental image of the wine-drenched poodle. It got me every time. Poor Mr. Puppy Wigsworth.

  Who called their dog that anyway? Oh, yes. The eccentric owner of the only publication keeping a roof over my head at the moment. “Both of us need you to keep your job here, Tessa.”

  The humor blinked out of her eyes, and she nodded. “I know. I was only kidding around. There might be another shoot coming up for you next week, too. I’m just waiting on the manager of the latest community program I’m doing an article on to confirm the interview.”

  “Another community program?” I asked. “Which one is it this time? Close by, I hope. If it’s not, I’m going to have to bring Lawson with me when we go to take the pictures.”

  “It’s a kids’ nature camp only about a thirty-minute drive from here. They take in children whose parents have to work during the holidays and can’t afford childcare during that time.”

  “Worthy cause.” Lord knew I knew the feeling only too well, not knowing how I was going to be able to afford someone to watch my son when Tessa and I had to work together. She was the only other person I really trusted with him and, moreover, the only other person he trusted. “I really appreciate you getting me in on these before Christmas. I had no idea how I was going to buy him presents with the current figure my bank account is sitting at.”

  “Amen to that, sister.” Tessa’s smile softened. “How is my little guy doing?”

  “He’s good.” I craned my neck to peer out the window behind her to where I could see Lawson waiting in the lobby. “Too damn smart for his age, though. He’s reading more than ever, and it’s like he just retains all that information. I have no idea where he got that from.”

  “I’m assuming his father isn’t a big reader?” She pursed her lips, then put up a hand. “Sorry, I know you don’t like to talk about him.”

  “That’s okay.” Talking about Adam didn’t hurt me. I just didn’t like to give him the time of day or the mental real estate required for talking about someone. “No, he isn’t. Or he wasn’t, at least. I have no idea if he is now. I doubt it. Adam was always more the run-and-tackle type than the hit-the-library type.”

  “He was a jock?” Her eyebrows lifted in surprise. In all the time I’d known her, I’d never given her much information about him. Again, I didn’t like thinking about him too much. It brought back too many painful memories.

  Like how his wealthy, powerful family confronted a scared, lonely sixteen-year-old girl and made her sign a contract to promise she would never speak of her baby as Adam’s son. Their fancy lawyers shoved the paperwork in my face and told me that if I was keeping “it,” I had to sign on the dotted line.

  I still shuddered when I thought about it, even though I’d found out a few years ago that a contract signed under those circumstances wasn’t worth the paper it was written on. But it didn’t matter.

  Adam had donated the sperm that helped me to conceive Lawson, but that didn’t mean that he was Adam’s son. So it was a moot point. I’d never say those words anyway. Contract or not.

  “I can’t picture you with a jock,” Tessa mused before her eyes blew wide. “I mean, not because I don’t think you’d be able to land one. You’re gorgeous. I just don’t see you going to games and hanging out with musclebound hotheads every weekend.”

  “That’s because I didn’t. I think that was part of what attracted Adam to me, the chase. I didn’t kneel at his feet, and therefore, he had to have me.” I shrugged, rolling my eyes. “Who knows? The point is that I’m getting a little worried about Lawson. He’s so wrapped up in his books that he’s becoming a recluse. The only people he talks to are the two of us.”

  “Yeah, I see what you mean.” She frowned, her eyes narrowed in thought. “At least we know he’s safe that way, right?”

  “I guess. I kind of like it, too. He is my baby, but…” I trailed off because I couldn’t say the words out loud. There was already so much I couldn’t give my son. I didn’t want my own selfish desires to keep him with me at all times to take anything else from him.

  Tessa nodded, understanding what I meant without me having to complete my sentence. “I know you’re not going to want to hear this, but I think he needs a man in his life.”

  “I’m not going to go out there looking for a boyfriend. I don’t need a man to help me with him.” My arms folded over my chest of their own accord, a defense mechanism that came as naturally as breathing to me by this point.

  I had been told by so many people over the years that I couldn’t do it alone that it took me a beat to realize she had never been one of them. Tessa sensed that my flare of overprotectiveness had calmed and smiled at me with some more understanding shining from her eyes. Gotta love a true girlfriend.

  She wasn’t offended by my momentary outburst at all. “I wasn’t suggesting that you get a boyfriend. One of my recent articles was on the Big Brother program in town. It was part of the charity holiday series we’ve been doing. I spent a bit of time around those guys, and I think it might just work for Lawson.”

  My instinct was to dismiss the suggestion out of hand, to shake my head and bang my fists on her desk, screaming about how I didn’t need a fucking man to help me raise my son. But this wasn’t about me. It was about Lawson.

  “It may not be a bad idea,” I said finally, once I’d taken a moment to think about it. “I’ll think about it. Have you got their contact details for me?”

  She nodded before pulling open a drawer and starting to rummage around in it. “I have a card in here somewhere. Hang on, let me just find—” Cutting herself off with a triumphant whoop, she handed the business card over. “The leader of this branch is a guy called Wayde. Nice guy. Give him a call if there’s anything you need to know while you’re thinking about it.”

  I added the business card to my satchel and then got up to leave. “Thanks again for everything, Tessa. You’re my superstar.”

  “And you’re mine.” She rounded her desk to give me a hug goodbye before rushing off to a meeting as I went out into the lobby to get Lawson. “Hey, baby, you ready to go?”

  I ruffled the soft black hair he’d gotten from me, looking into the golden-flecked sea-green hues of my own hazel eyes smiling back up at me. Not for the first time, I was grateful that Lawson hadn’t inherited much from Adam. Nothing that was discernible as of yet anyway. Perhaps his athletic abilities would manifest when he got older, but so far, so good.

  Lawson closed the book he was currently reading, one that looked way too advanced for a seven-year-old. Again. “Yes, Mommy.”

  I held my hand out to my soft-spoken son, my arm over his shoulders as we walked to a diner nearby. “What would you like for lunch?”

  He tapped his fingers against the book he carried in one hand. “Anything. I’m not that hungry.”

  “Anything, huh?” I jiggled him a bit as we walked, watching as a slow smile curved on his lips. “Does that mean I get to order you a salad?”

  “No.” His horrified eyes rounded. “Anything that comes with fries.”

  “I hear you.” I laughed and held open the door of the retro diner for him before leading him to a booth n
ear the window. “But if we have fries for lunch, we’re having something green for dinner. Are you with me?”

  “Sure, Mommy,” he said, but his voice was suddenly even softer than usual. When I looked at him where he sat across from me, I realized that I’d mostly lost his attention. My eyes followed his line of sight and landed on a booth nearby, where a boy about Lawson’s age was laughing with his father.

  My heart clenched painfully in my chest at the wistful expression he wore when he watched them having a good time together. “I’m going to get you more gifts than you could want on Christmas.”

  It didn’t make up for not having a father, but it was the best I could do. Lawson’s sad gaze came back to mine. “I don’t need anything, Mommy. I just want to spend time with you.”

  Pressure welled behind my eyes, but I blinked a few times to clear it away. “You’re a good boy, honey. But I’m still getting you all those gifts.”

  Lawson’s gaze slowly returned to the boy and his father, and in that moment, I knew that Tessa was right. He was missing the male connection, and since I couldn’t exactly give him a father, I could try to give him a man to look up to. I really was going to have to look into that Big Brother thing, after all.

  I just hoped the guys who signed up for it were serious because if one of them hurt my baby, I was going to remove a very valued appendage with a very blunt object. No one messed with my Lawson. His father’s absence had hurt him enough.

  I wouldn’t let another man do it as well.

  Chapter 3

  Declan

  Fire crackled in the oversized fireplace in my parents’ lounge, the smell of cinnamon wafting through the house from the kitchen. Christmas morning found the whole Hobbs clan scattered around the tall, decorated tree while I wished I was anywhere but here.

  Despite the disaster my siblings’ Glittergate show had been last night, they were in high spirits. I guessed it was possible to get so used to failure that it could be shaken off without leaving a mark behind.

  Daisy tore the glittering wrapping from her umpteenth gift like she was eight instead of twenty-two. Charles glared down at the heavy gold watch in his hand, a disapproving grimace on his face.

  He hid it before he smiled at our father. “Thank you, Dad. It’s perfect.”

  Our father inclined his head, watching two of his twenty-something offspring opening presents under the tree on Christmas morning like they were still children. Mom sat cross-legged on the carpet with them, handing them one present after the next and relishing their reactions to them.

  Daisy pulled a pair of red-soled shoes from an obscenely expensive-looking box, her nose wrinkling. “These are so last season, Mommy.”

  My mother’s face fell while Charles dug his elbow into her side, bringing her glare to his face. At least he’d had the tact to hide his disappointment in the last gift he’d opened. Daisy didn’t know the meaning of the word tact, though.

  “We’ll go shopping later today,” Mom rushed out. “You can choose another pair to make up for it.”

  I watched the exchange with the same sense of distance I always felt with my family. I didn’t understand my brother or my sister, nor did I understand Mom’s indulgence of their whims. On the other hand, she indulged plenty of mine, and I didn’t mind that. Maybe I was just a hypocrite.

  I didn’t know, but what I did know was that I was already sick of the holiday and it was only eight a.m. It was going to be a long-ass day.

  “Declan, honey, why don’t you come join us?” My mom smiled and held out her hand to me, beckoning with her fingers. “You’ve only opened two of yours so far.”

  My father cleared his throat, rising from the comfort of the armchair he’d been sitting in. “Actually, I need to speak with Declan in my study.”

  Mom frowned at him, probably because of his timing and brisk tone, but didn’t argue. When I’d thought I’d rather be anywhere than around the tree with them, I definitely hadn’t meant to include Dad’s study in that anywhere.

  A shot of nerves ran through me, but I couldn’t exactly refuse to go with him. Dad led me silently away from the family and closed the door of his study once we were inside.

  There was a fire going in here too, but the crackling wasn’t comforting in this room. It was ominous. Dad sank into another armchair, narrowing his eyes on mine as he motioned for me to join him.

  He was the strong, silent type. Not one to mince his words. We used to be close when I was growing up, but that wasn’t the case anymore.

  I couldn’t really pinpoint a moment when it had changed, but my father had gone from someone I had once confided in and sought out to someone I generally avoided at all costs. The feeling was mutual, which begged the question of what he’d asked me in here for.

  I didn’t have to wait long to find out.

  “I received a call from the lawyers this morning.” His dark green eyes remained locked on mine, the expression in them hard and unyielding. “They told me they’ve been working on a case involving you drunkenly throwing a rock at a police vehicle.”

  Fuck. I knew my luck on that one was going to run out at some stage, but I hadn’t really expected it to happen on Christmas day. “It wasn’t intentional. Finley and I were—”

  Dad put up his hand, dragging in a deep breath. I shut my mouth, knowing that I’d better stop talking. He wasn’t interested in my explanation. That much was clear.

  “Are you denying that you vandalized a police vehicle?” The edge in his voice would have cut anyone not used to it into shreds. I had been cut so many times that the scar tissue was thick enough to withstand any further damage he tried to cause.

  Wanting to get the conversation over with, I didn’t bother trying to tell him my side of the story again. “No, sir. I did put a rock through a police cruiser’s window.”

  He inclined his head. “At least you have the decency to take some responsibility for your actions.”

  It sounded like he’d murmured that statement more to himself than to me, but I didn’t know what to say to it anyway. I let it go. If he wanted a reply, he’d ask for one.

  “Garth has assured me that his firm has done their best to take care of it for you.” For the amount of money my family paid Garth and his firm as a monthly retainer, I wasn’t surprised that he did his best for us. Even so, I didn’t get the feeling that his best meant I was about to get off without any consequences.

  My father confirmed my suspicions not a minute later. “They’ve managed to get the charges reduced, but you’re going to have to attend the Big Brother program for a few months.”

  “The Big Brother program?” I raised an eyebrow. That didn’t sound enjoyable at all. I was a shitty big brother to Daisy, and Charles was a shitty big brother to me. We’d all accepted it, but why include anyone else in the cycle of shittiness we had going on?

  Dad sighed heavily. “Dammit, Declan. It’s only one of the most well-known community programs in the damn world. How do you not know about it?” It was a rhetorical question. He continued with a shake of his head. “You are matched with a younger boy, and the goal is to help them navigate whatever challenges they face and reach their potential.”

  I scoffed, widening my eyes at him. “I think I’d rather be in jail than do that.”

  My father looked at me over the rim of his glasses, giving me a stare that made me close my mouth. “If that’s what you think, it’s clear that you haven’t a clue of what happens in jail or the consequences of having served out a term there. Contrary to popular belief, punishment doesn’t end the day your sentence does. Convicted criminals are punished as a result of their histories and records for a long time after that. Often, it can go on for the rest of their lives.”

  He flicked his hand as his mouth set in a grim line. “It’s pointless trying to make you understand all that, though.”

  I jerked back. Out of all the things he’d said to me, that was the only thing that packed a punch. He used to tell me all the time how I was the mo
st intelligent of my siblings. Now, he apparently believed I couldn’t even understand something that I already knew.

  “It was a joke,” I muttered. “I’m not that naive or that stupid.”

  A vein bulged in his throat, thrumming along with his pulse.

  Shit. I was on thin ice here. Miming the action of zipping my lips, I motioned for him to continue.

  “This isn’t a joking matter, Declan,” he ground out, rage forcefully injected into his tone. “You will not do anything else that can put the family name in jeopardy. Do you hear me?”

  “Charles’s company has already done that, don’t you think?” The joke was out before I could stop it, and it did not go down well.

  Dad’s cheeks turned the shade of an overripe prune, as did the skin on his neck. Something flashed in his eyes and made them harder than stone, colder than the deepest waters of the Atlantic. When he spoke again, his voice was raised, and his fist was shaking.

  “At least your brother is trying to fucking make something of himself, Declan. He’s not just sitting around being a loser that no one respects because there’s nothing to respect about him. Failure teaches a man how to get back up, but you...”

  He was too pissed off to keep talking, jumping to his feet and grabbing a crystal glass along with a decanter filled with amber liquid. It sloshed over the edges of the glass as he poured, then gulped the whole thing down in one go.

  When he turned back toward me, I saw that he had gotten himself under control. Barely. “You’re worse than a failure because you haven’t even tried anything. Charles is not the one smearing the family name, son. You are, and I’ve had it up to here with it.”

  He slashed his hand in the air beside his head. “You will attend this program, and you will give it everything you’ve fucking got. Being considered for the program is a gift that Garth managed to negotiate for you. You hit a police car, Declan. The rock nearly injured an officer. They don’t take that kind of thing lightly, and it is not something to fucking joke about!”