Deepest Desire Page 2

  My coworkers tended to forget what it might be like to be the one lying in the hospital bed, depending on strangers for everything.

  I hadn’t forgotten.

  All the other nurses looked up at me as I put my clipboard down and sank into one of the chairs in front of one of the eight monitors at our station. I pulled up the files on my patients and began reviewing them. I liked to take this quiet time to make sure everyone’s charts were free and clear of any red flags. The quiet made it easier.

  The other nurses tended to take this time to stand around and chat and catch up on each other’s lives. I didn’t blame them. Social interaction on a twelve-hour shift was normally limited to conversations with patients who could barely talk, let alone breathe. Some patients were fun, but it was rare. I understood the need to chat and laugh and feel normal, if only for an hour or two.

  Despite understanding the desire to take advantage of the calm two hours, I couldn’t quite bring myself to do it. My work had become my life. I loved it, and I was exceptional at it, but it came with a price. The other nurses thought I was weird. I never really talked with any of them unless it was during a shift-change briefing. I’d fill in the nurse taking over for my patients before my shift ended, and that would be the biggest chunk of my interaction with coworkers.

  My phone began vibrating in my pocket. I answered it when I saw that it was my sister, Renee.

  “Hey, Sky,” Renee said. “You working today?”

  “Yeah, I am. I’m done at eight.”

  “Want to grab dinner?”

  “Isn’t that a bit late for you?” I asked. “You’ll be starving.”

  “Oh hush,” Renee said. “I can wait for you. I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever. Meet at the usual spot?”

  “Sure,” I said, smiling as I hung up the phone.

  Renee was right, of course. We hadn’t seen each other in a few weeks, and that was quite odd for us. Usually, I made a point to try to see her on a weekly basis. Most of the time, it was something quick like coffee, but when my schedule allowed, we would go and get pedicures or hit the mall for some seasonal shopping. Well, Renee would shop, and I would window shop. I lived in my scrubs, and spending money on trendy clothes seemed too frivolous for me, especially since I would never wear them.

  ***

  When my shift ended, I was ready to leave. The day had been long and tiring, and one of my patients had nearly fallen and taken me out with him. He was a three hundred and twenty-five-pound man, but I had managed to brace him with my hip. I was sore all over now.

  I entered my sister’s favorite restaurant, Guru’s, at a quarter past eight. Renee was sitting at a booth near the back, reading the menu. When she spotted me, she sprang to her feet and threw her arms around me in a hug.

  “It’s so good to see you!” she said as she dropped back down into her seat.

  I unbuttoned my windbreaker and placed it on the seat beside me. “You too,” I said, before catching her expression of distaste. “What?” I asked, wondering if there was something in my teeth.

  “Scrubs? Really?”

  “My replacement was late, and I didn’t want to waste time changing,” I said.

  “Liar,” Renee said, rolling her shoulders and looking back at the menu.

  She was right. I never brought a change of clothes to the hospital with me. I did everything in my scrubs. “What are you ordering?” I asked in an attempt to change the subject.

  “Probably the curry chicken. Maybe butter chicken. I’ll decide when the waiter gets here.”

  Renee always liked last minute decisions. She was my opposite in that regard. Actually, she was my opposite in nearly everything. People were always shocked to discover that we were related, let alone sisters.

  Renee had a short pixie cut that she kept bleached blonde. I, like her, had naturally black hair. Mine was long, like a sweeping curtain down my back, but it was usually tied up in a bun because of my job. I had my father’s bright green eyes, and she had our mother’s brown ones that were so dark they nearly looked black. She was startlingly beautiful in an edgy sort of way. Renee dressed in sharp, structured clothes that enhanced her curves, and always wore shoes with a heel.

  Today, she was wearing a royal blue blazer over a black pantsuit that hugged her body like a second layer of skin. Her shoes were at least five inches high. Silver hooped earrings in her ears grazed the tops of her shoulders, and her winged eyeliner was so dramatic it looked like it was sharp enough to stab someone. Her skin, now hidden under the long sleeves of the blazer, was also covered in tattoos. She and I shared a matching one on our thigh of a dreamcatcher in water color, for our parents.

  After we ordered our food, Renee clasped her hands in front of her and leaned forward. “So, what’s new with you?”

  “Um, not much, really. Things at work are good. Keeping busy. I like most of my patients right now, except today I was nearly flattened by one of them. As it is, I think I nearly dislocated my hip trying to keep him upright.”

  Renee blinked at me. “Is there anything new besides work stuff?”

  Anything besides work stuff? No. There never was. I racked my brain, trying to think of something to say that might throw her off the scent. The only thing that had happened to me in the past week that was worthy of saying aloud was that a cute guy had spilled some of his coffee on my shoe in line at the hospital cafe. I knew if I spoke those words, though, Renee would harass me for not getting his number.

  “No,” I said. “Nothing.”

  “I was hoping you would say that,” Renee said, now giving me a smile that made me suspicious.

  “Really?” I asked, turning my face to look at her out of the corner of my eye. “Why am I suddenly nervous?”

  Renee shook her head and giggled. “Don’t be nervous. It’s a good thing. I wanted to talk to you about something I’ve been thinking about for a while. Something I’ve been working to make happen.”

  “Okay.”

  “I want to take you on vacation, Sky. Please don’t say no yet.” She held up her hands to silence the protest that was about to come out of my mouth. “You work so hard and have been for so long. I really admire that about you, and I think you deserve a nice, warm destination vacation. Just a week, so you won’t have to be away from the job and your patients for too long. I want to do this for you. You helped me when things were pretty bad, and now, I can finally pay you back.”

  Renee had been in a long-term relationship with her high school boyfriend, Marcus, and three years ago, he proposed. The wedding was planned for six months from his proposal date, and two weeks prior to the ceremony, Renee had discovered that he had a girlfriend on the side. He had been sleeping with her for the last two years. Things had been pretty bad for my sister, and I had dropped everything I could to help her. She up and quit her job in accounting and moved in with me to save up to go to design school. Now, she was in a design career and happy, and she had been living in her own apartment that she owned for the last eight months. I missed having her around my place, but I was happy for her.

  “A warm destination, hey?” I asked.

  Renee nodded eagerly. “Yes, it would be so much fun. Drinks by the pool, shopping, dancing. Good-looking men.” She wiggled her eyebrows.

  I giggled and covered my mouth. “It could be fun,” I said. “I just don’t know about getting the time off. The ward is pretty full right now, and they’re short staffed.”

  “The hospital is always short staffed,” Renee said. “Despite what you think, the place won’t fall apart without you. Believe me. You can step away and enjoy your life for a week without feeling guilty about it.”

  I wasn’t so sure the guilt was something I could control. My job was my life. It was how I defined myself. Skylar Lindell, nurse. That was all anyone ever needed to know about me.

  “Can I at least have some time to think about it?” I asked as the server arrived with our steaming bowls of butter chicken. My mouth started to water. I hadn�
��t eaten in eight hours, and the last thing I did eat was hummus and carrots. My stomach growled.

  “No,” Renee said as she stirred her rice, chicken, and sauce together until it looked less than appetizing.” I’ve done all the thinking for us. I’ll call you in a few days and let you know the plan. And don’t even think about saying no to me. I’m serious about this.”

  I took a bite before smiling at her. I didn’t need many relationships in my life. Not talking to my coworkers was tolerable. It let me focus on my work. A boyfriend would only be a distraction. My parents were gone. I didn’t need anyone, but I was thankful to have my sister in my life to keep me sane.

  Chapter 3

  Greyson

  Friday evenings at The Citrine were my favorite, and they always had been. The casino buzzed with a sort of energy that could only be found in Las Vegas. Large families gathered around slot machines, pretty girlfriends in sequin gowns blew on dice for their boyfriends, older couples held hands as they walked through the crowds, and the serious gamblers who took the fun out of the whole thing could be caught smiling and chatting up strangers.

  This feeling of camaraderie was why I had built the place.

  I cut through a throng of people to get into the lounge bar that overlooked the casino. It was up half a flight of stairs and was built to resemble a balcony. Black velvet drapes hung from the ceiling. They could be pulled back by guests sitting at the balcony and tied to the railing so they could watch the gamblers and activity half a floor below, or they could keep the curtains closed and enjoy the more intimate setting in the lounge.

  A pianist was playing smooth jazz with the accompaniment of a saxophone as I arrived at the bar. The bartender, a young man with bright red hair named Lee, gave me a bright smile and began mixing me my drink of choice: a rum and coke. Simple, in my opinion, was always better.

  I was aware of the middle-aged couple in the far corner snuggled up to one another like young lovers. The woman still had streaks of brown in her short gray hair, and the man was almost entirely bald. He sat with his arm around his wife’s shoulders, and she was looking up at him adoringly, like she still saw the young man she fell in love with. As I waited for my drink, I watched them giggle like high school kids.

  After Lee handed me my rum and coke, I approached the couple.

  “Good evening,” I said, earning myself polite nods from them both. “Do you mind if I join you for a few minutes?” I gestured at the open seat across from them.

  “By all means,” the man said. Neither he nor his wife stopped cuddling.

  I was smiling to myself when I sat down. “I couldn’t help but notice how in love the two of you are,” I said. Being forward like this had always been my approach.

  The woman beamed radiantly and looked at her husband. “Really?” she asked as she looked back to me, eyes twinkling, cheeks flushed from the wine she was sipping.

  I nodded. “Really. I had to come over and meet you both. How long have you been married?”

  “Twenty-one years,” the woman said cheerfully. “We are actually here for our anniversary. We usually come to Vegas, but every five years, we go somewhere new. This is our first time at this hotel, though, and we are quite happy here. We’ll come back here for future visits.”

  “Twenty-one years,” I said, knowing they weren’t aware that I owned the casino. “That’s amazing.”

  The man leaned forward and held out his hand. “I’m Paul. This is Sherry. Nice to meet you, son.”

  I shook his hand. “Greyson,” I said. I was often referred to as “son” by men I hadn’t met. I wondered how old I would be when that stopped. Thirty-three, apparently, was still young enough for the title.

  “Do you have a special someone?” Sherry asked, sipping her wine delicately.

  “Not at the moment,” I said. “Business keeps me pretty busy. I don’t know how I would find the time to date and do a decent job of it.”

  Sherry smiled. It was a gentle thing that made me feel like she pitied me. Like she could see right through my excuse. “Perhaps the right one just hasn’t come along yet. Paul knew I was the one for him as soon as he saw me.”

  “And when you saw him?” I asked.

  Sherry’s smile grew, and she blushed. “It took him three months to get me to go on a date with him. He wasn’t the usual sort I was interested in. You know, I liked the strapping jocks, the athletes, the—”

  “We get the picture, Sherry.” Paul chuckled, encouraging her to skip the parts where she listed a bunch of qualities he clearly didn’t have.

  “Paul was just very different,” Sherry surmised. “And when I finally went on that date with him, I was shocked to see how attentive he was and how kind he was. For the first time in my life, he made me feel like I was the only one in the room with him. He didn’t get distracted by the televisions in the restaurant. He didn’t dominate conversation like all the others before him did. Everything was so effortless with him, and it has been ever since. Your person will find her way to you, Greyson, and when she does, I hope you don’t let her go because you’re too busy with work.”

  Sherry was forward, too, just like me, and I liked that about her. I couldn’t help but smile as Paul tried to reel her in and apologize for the unsolicited advice.

  “No, not to worry,” I said. “I appreciate the honesty. It’s a rare quality these days.”

  I stood and fished around in the back pocket of my pants. I withdrew my wallet and dropped some cash on the table—more than enough to cover their drinks and a couple more each. Then I rolled up some bills and passed them to Paul. “Enjoy the evening on me. Spend it here at the tables, or go wherever you want on the Strip. The two of you deserve more than just that, but I hope it makes your evening special.”

  Paul blinked at the bills in his hand, and his mouth fell open when he realized I had handed him two thousand dollars. “I can’t accept this,” he said, looking up at me. “This is far too much money to give two strangers because you like their love story.”

  I laughed and shook my head. “No, it’s all right. This place,” I gestured all around us, “is mine. The money is no trouble. Just make sure you have fun, will you?”

  I left before Paul and Sherry had more time to protest. They were good people, and accepting the cash did not appear to be easy for them. Once they had a couple more drinks and started spending, I knew that unease would go away.

  I ordered two more rum and cokes and slipped into one of the service halls. I walked deliberately, knowing my destination, and chatted up some of my employees as they passed.

  I arrived at the security office and shouldered the door open. Meek was sitting in one of the plush leather chairs with his hands clasped behind his head. Without looking up at me, he said, “That better be spiced rum.”

  I dropped into the open chair beside him and handed him his drink. “Have I ever brought you one that wasn’t? Give me a little credit, will you? Besides, I don’t think this is how things are supposed to work. I’m the boss. You should be bringing me drinks.”

  Meek cracked a grin and looked over at me. “Want me to buy you one of those ‘Best Boss Ever’ mugs?”

  “I don’t need stuff,” I said jokingly. “Just a little appreciation every now and then.”

  “Ah.” Meek nodded. “Right. That sensitive soul of yours needs daily positive strokes. I forgot. Thank you for the rum and coke, you handsome devil you.”

  “That’s more like it,” I said, now scanning the thirty-five monitors mounted to the wall in front of us. “Any action tonight?”

  “Nope, been pretty quiet. I’ve had my eyes peeled for John, but he hasn’t shown his face.”

  “I don’t expect him to,” I said, taking a mouthful of my drink. The room was quiet for a moment. “Hey, Meek, be honest with me for a minute here. Is it time for me to start dating? Do I need a woman in my life?”

  Meek looked at me out of the corner of his eye. His expression was completely unreadable until he suddenly burst
out laughing and slapped his knee like I had just told him the funniest joke he’d ever heard.

  “What’s this all about?” I asked, eyes narrowing.

  Meek shook his head and dabbed the corners of his watering eyes with his thumbs. “You are a sensitive soul.”

  “Shut up,” I retorted. “I was being serious. I’ve been living and breathing this casino for such a long time that I’ve forgotten what it’s like to care for someone.”

  “You care for me, don’t you?”

  “Different,” I said, resisting the urge to roll my eyes.

  “Uh huh. Well, if you want my opinion—”

  “Which I do, otherwise I wouldn’t have asked,” I said sourly.

  “Right, whatever.” Meek waved his hand. “In my opinion, women are more trouble than they’re worth. And, in my experience, all they do is thin out your wallet and your hair.”

  I laughed before I realized he was completely serious.

  Meek waited for me to get myself under control before he started speaking again. “Listen, they all want the same things. Money and security. That’s something you can definitely offer, Greyson. You’ll be an easy target to be taken advantage of. Love, especially for someone like you, is a pipe dream. It’s never real. It’s always this artificial layer that covers everything and spoils it.”

  “Wow,” I said. “That’s inspiring.”

  “You asked,” Meek said. “So, I told you what I think. A woman has the power to destroy you, Greyson, if you let her. And you won’t even see it coming.”

  Part of me wanted to ask my friend more questions. The one at the foreground of my mind was straightforward: what terrible thing had a woman done to him in his past? I held my tongue and tried to extinguish my curiosity. Some questions were better left unasked, and I knew this was one of them.

  Meek was the one person I trusted more than anyone else. Maybe his words held more truth than I was giving them credit for. I was extremely wealthy, and that alone would be a hard thing to navigate if emotions came into play. How could I know if someone loved me for me or just for my money?